


Golden: A Concept

by hero_hero



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Felix cries for like half of this rip, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Crying, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24576901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hero_hero/pseuds/hero_hero
Summary: Felix is an angel whose purpose is to find his soulmate in the mortal realm. He’s been searching for years to no avail, and now he’s running out of time.[edit: used to be called "Soulmates: A Concept"]
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 116





	Golden: A Concept

**Author's Note:**

> there are probably a handful of typos, just ignore those pls :]

Felix sits on the top of the bluff, his knees hugged to his chest, watching the sun set over the city. As he does so, a single feather drifts down from the wings that used to arch so gracefully and beautifully over his head. The feather comes to a rest on Felix’s arm. He looks at it, then can’t bear to look any longer, and turns away. A breeze comes along a moment later and carries the feather far, far away.

He’s alone. And he’s out of time. He has failed in his search. He was supposed to find his soulmate—his kindred spirit, his other half, his heart, mind and soul—but each time he found someone whom he thought was the one, he was proven mistaken.

Now the sun is setting on his birth date, and he’s still just as alone and as lost and as broken as he was when he fell to this earth a thousand years ago.

He can’t help thinking that maybe…maybe he’s a defect. That he was created accidentally, that he never actually had a soulmate to begin with. That he was never meant to be born, but then the universe made a mistake, and it was too late to take it back, so it just let him go. Let him go about his search for someone to understand him, to complete him, always knowing deep down that he’ll always fail.

He doesn’t have a soulmate. He never did. He was and is destined to be alone forever.

More feathers are falling now. His wings are disintegrating, like he always feared they would if he failed to find his soulmate soon enough.

Soulmates are an essential part to being an angel, you see. Every angel is born as half of a pair. It is therefore their destiny when they roam the mortal realm and steadily grow their wings that they find their other half. Once they do, the two angels begin a process where their hearts, minds, and souls are joined together to form one, though they stay in two separate bodies. Once that bond is established and strengthened, they are one step from becoming full angels. The only thing left to do is to go to the angel realm together, knowing that their wings and bond will be strong enough to carry them all the way. There, they’ll spend eternity together. An eternity with other angels—other soulmates. An eternity being happy. Whole. Safe. An eternity of belonging.

There are stories of when angels fail to find their soulmates in time. When that happens, their wings cannot grow anymore and begin to fall apart. The angel’s immortality fades with each drop of a feather. Soon, the angel is alone and mortal in the mortal realm. Some stories say that the angel will die a mortal but will be reborn as another angel, once again beginning their search to find their other half. But other stories say that they’ll die a mortal and will never be reborn. _That_ is the ultimate failure.

There isn’t a story of what happens when an angel isn’t born as half of a pair. When an angel doesn’t have a soulmate to begin with. Supposedly, those don’t exist.

Felix supposes he’s that story, now.

Felix tried. He really, really tried. He went through countless potential soulmates. He remembers all of them. Chan. Minho. Changbin. Hyunjin. Seungmin. Jeongin.

Jisung.

With all of them, he started off as friends. With Chan, Minho, and Hyunjin, he just stayed as friends. With Changbin, Seungmin, and Jeongin…he actually grew closer to each one. Jeongin was so sweet and lovable, with a playful and mischievous side. Felix was Jeongin’s first for everything. First date. First kiss. First time spending the night—but without the expected intimacy, since Jeongin wasn’t ready for that. They took their time, but time wasn’t on their side. Jeongin wasn’t his soulmate.

Changbin acted so tough and cool when Felix met him, but ended up being the friendliest, kindest, _warmest_ person Felix had known at the time. He was shy at first, but he warmed to Felix quickly. Their romance was hot and intense, burning brightly and invigorating both of them. Changbin always made Felix laugh. He had the best hugs. He made Felix feel passionate and full of purpose and like he was truly alive. He even agreed enthusiastically when Felix asked him to be his soulmate.

But it wasn’t meant to be. They burned out too quickly, to the point where they both choked on the smoke when the fire within them died. Changbin turned into a cold, distant stranger, and Felix never saw him again.

Seungmin…Seungmin was so calm. So soft-spoken, and intelligent, and sweet. Felix fell in love with him instantly. Seungmin loved him back just as intensely. They did everything together, understood each other on a completely different level. Felix was more careful with him after remembering what happened with Changbin. He took his time, making sure they lived together and knew each other completely before he asked…

At first, it seemed like he had been afraid of nothing. Seungmin said yes. There were tears, and laughter, and so many kisses and hugs. Felix had never felt safer than in Seungmin’s arms.

They went through the process of being joined together. Felix truly thought that Seungmin was his soulmate. He knew it. He could feel it. He had never been so sure of something in his life.

But Seungmin was mortal. To be with Felix, he had to become an angel. He had to grow his own wings. Seungmin knew this, since Felix told him, and he said he wasn’t afraid. He said he trusted Felix completely.

Felix still remembers the night when Seungmin’s wings came. Seungmin had fallen out of the bed and writhed on the floor from the pain. He wouldn’t stop screaming and struggling, crying out from the feeling of the wings pushing on his skin and trying to tear through it. Felix had tried to comfort him, tried to assure him that it would be alright…

It wasn’t alright. The wings didn’t form properly. They disintegrated the moment they broke through, leaving nothing but a gaping wound.

Seungmin bled out in his arms. He had trusted Felix. And Felix had let him down in the worst way possible.

Felix wasn’t the same after that. He gave up trying to look. He started believing that he was a mistake, that he didn’t have a soulmate, that he was an abomination to angels and life itself.

About a century passed. Then Felix met Jisung without even looking for him in the first place.

He liked Jisung. Jisung had an infectious smile and an even more infectious laugh. Felix felt calmer around him. Happier. Lighter. Jisung made him laugh and smile and actually have _fun_ for the first time in a hundred years.

But he didn’t let himself get caught up into it. Jisung was not his soulmate. Felix didn’t have a soulmate. Besides, Jisung was also mortal. Felix would not make the same mistake.

Instead, he just let himself enjoy Jisung’s presence. It was nice, having a friend. A companion.

He tried to ignore how well they fit together. How Jisung’s birthday was a day before Felix’s (though of course Jisung wasn’t one-thousand years old). How they got each other’s sense of humor and could communicate without words for much of the time. How they teased each other and hugged each other and had each other’s backs. How Jisung made him feel safe and whole.

Felix should have known that he would slip up eventually. Should have prepared for it. But he let himself get caught up in the moment.

They had been drunk. Jisung had stolen his older brother’s beer and had dragged Felix to the top of a nearby bluff to drink it together. They laid in the bed of Jisung’s pickup truck and stared up at the stars. They held hands at one point. At another point, Jisung was laying on his side, staring at Felix like he was prettier than all the stars in the sky. Felix was also laying on his side, staring back. Their noses were a hairsbreadth apart. Jisung lifted a hand to trace the stars on Felix’s skin, and Felix couldn’t remember the last time he had been touched so tenderly.

Then Jisung’s lips were on Felix’s, and Felix’s fingers were tangled in Jisung’s hair, and they couldn’t get enough of each other. Couldn’t get close enough. Their hearts were beating exactly in sync. Felix felt something that had been dormant for so long finally stir deep inside him.

Once it stirred, it had trouble going back to sleep, and it came bursting out of him.

“Jisung, will you be my soulmate?”

Without missing a beat, Jisung said, “ _Yes_.”

They fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

When they woke up the next morning, Jisung took one look at Felix’s wings and screamed. Prior to this, Felix’s wings were invisible to everyone unless they were an angel or his soulmate. With Jisung’s agreement to become Felix’s soulmate, he was finally seeing Felix for what Felix truly was.

And he screamed. _He_ _screamed_.

He didn’t remember a single part of the previous night. He had been too drunk. Felix tried to explain angels and soulmates and the process of being joined together, but Jisung dismissed it all, claiming it as bullshit. He didn’t believe in soulmates. He had no interest in being Felix’s soulmate, either.

So he broke it off. He told Felix to his face, “I don’t want to be your soulmate.” And that was that. The process interrupted, once again. Felix alone…once again.

At that point, Felix knew he was running out of time. He could feel it. He was losing feathers each day. His wings were becoming more ragged and thin. The feathers lost their shimmer.

He became thinner, too. His hair hung more limply. His skin paled and lost its healthy, golden glow. His freckles faded. He knew there was a haunted look in his eye, one that scared people off, but he tried not to stare in the mirror for too long anymore. He tried to just lie low, to forget everything that had happened.

He gave up.

That was a week ago. Now, it’s Felix’s thousand-year birthday, and he’s out of time. He can feel his back getting lighter and lighter as his wings crumble away.

He tries to think of what he’s feeling. Mostly, he’s just numb. He knew this day would come. Now that it’s here, he’s not sure if he’s afraid or not. He thinks he’s just…done. Done being an angel. Done searching, to no avail. He’s not ready, but he’s not fighting it, either. If anything, he’s ready to finally rest.

Not for the first time since he climbed up here, he thinks about Jisung. Wonders where he is, what he’s feeling, if he’s thinking about Felix at all. Jisung hasn’t talked to him all week. It’s such a difference. They went from speaking every single day, from being together almost constantly, to this cold, harsh silence. Felix hates every moment of it.

But it’s clear now that he was wrong again. Just like all the others, Jisung isn’t Felix’s soulmate. Jisung will probably be glad when Felix is gone for good. Or will he even notice at all…?

The sun has almost completely disappeared below the horizon. Just a sliver of the top is still visible. Felix watches it, appreciating the beauty of the oranges and pinks and purples in the sky, before the sun finally slips all the way down.

His last feather falls. And Felix breaks down completely.

He chokes on a sob and buries his face in his arms as the tears overwhelm him. It’s centuries of tears, centuries of pain and heartache. He just lets it all out. Maybe he’ll drown in his tears.

He wishes someone was here to comfort him. Maybe Changbin, with his warm hugs, or Seungmin, with his sweet words and comforting touches. Chan had good hugs and good words of comfort as well. Or maybe even Jisung—

No. Not Jisung.

A fresh wave of tears crashes over him, and he hugs his knees to his chest even tighter.

Felix wants Jisung. Even after everything. He wishes he could properly say goodbye and apologize. At least then that would be lighter on his conscience.

 _Jisung_ …

“Felix!”

Felix lifts his head, gulping back a sob. Was that real? Or was that in his head…?

“Felix!” It sounds louder this time. Closer.

Felix sniffs. “Jisung?”

He turns partially, just to see someone scrambling up the bluff and running towards him. Felix recognizes the artificial, honey-blond hair and baggy athletic clothes.

It’s Jisung. It’s really Jisung.

“Felix, oh my god!” Jisung skids to a halt, his eyes wide as he takes in the sight before him. “Your wings…”

Felix cringes and quickly wipes at his face, though he’s still hiccuping and sniffling. His head throbs from the pressure.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, still turned away, hiding himself from Jisung. Jisung will probably leave soon. After all, he was disgusted with Felix’s wings. He’s probably nauseous at this sight before him.

“I…came to find you,” Jisung says.

_You did?_

“Well, you’ve found me,” Felix says. “You can leave, now.”

_Please don’t leave me._

“No, I don’t want to leave,” Jisung says.

_That’s a lie._

Felix squeezes his eyes shut as two fat tears roll down his cheeks.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels a pair of arms encircle him. His eyes fly open as he looks to see Jisung crouched beside him, his face full of nothing but concern and even…love?

Felix is so shocked that he doesn’t resist at all as Jisung hugs him to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Jisung whispers. He sounds like he’s on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry, Lix, I was so wrong—”

“It’s not your fault,” Felix says. “It’s my fault. I failed.”

“No, it’s not,” Jisung says. He sniffs, his own tears finally welling up in his eyes and spilling over. “Your wings, Lix, oh my god…”

Felix buries his face in Jisung’s chest, and Jisung presses his face into Felix’s hair as he hugs him even tighter.

“I’m out of time,” Felix whispers. “I’m mortal now.”

His voice breaks at the end. For some reason, that makes him cry even harder, and he clutches at Jisung’s shirt.

“I shouldn’t have said no,” Jisung says. “I was just shocked. I shouldn’t have backed out, Lix, I’m so sorry—”

“Doesn’t matter now.”

Jisung falls silent, save for his small sobs.

Felix takes a deep, shuddering breath, and closes his eyes again. He focuses on Jisung—the warmth radiating from him, the comfort of his arms wrapped around him, the smell of his overly-priced cologne, the beating of his heart.

He still loves him so much, it hurts.

Felix swallows back another wave of tears and listens to Jisung’s heart. It’s beating in-time to Felix’s.

“I love you,” Jisung whispers. “More than a friend, Felix. I’ve been thinking of it all week…I was a coward. I was so afraid of committing, of being in a relationship that’s pure and true, because things that are too good to be true never end well. I’m still afraid, but I’m more afraid about losing you forever than anything else.”

“I love you, too,” Felix says. Both of their heart rates are increasing, now.

“I’ll stay with you,” Jisung says. “Forever. I promise.”

Felix almost asks it again, out of habit, but he bites down on his tongue. That doesn’t stop him from asking in his mind, though, with all his heart and soul.

_Will you be my soulmate?_

He thinks he can hear Jisung answering, with all his heart and soul as well—

 _Yes_.

At that moment, there’s a sharp ache in Felix’s back, right in between his shoulder blades, where his wings used to be. He figures it’s just phantom pain and, with a little whimper, buries his face even further in Jisung’s chest.

But at the same time, Jisung gasps and says, “Felix!”

“What?”

“Felix, look—” Jisung is tugging at him now, tugging him away from his chest.

Felix sits up, blinking away the tears in his eyes. He looks at Jisung, whose face is cast in a lovely golden light. At first, Felix thinks it’s the sunset, but then he remembers that the sun has long disappeared behind the horizon. He frowns.

Then he twists around to look over his shoulder and lets out a cry at what he sees.

His wings—they’re putting themselves back together, piece by piece. Each time a feather slides back into place, it emits that golden light, illuminating the entire top of the bluff.

“You’re glowing,” Jisung whispers, then he laughs. “You’re glowing, Felix!”

“I know—” Felix starts to say, but Jisung tugs on his arms until he faces him.

“No, no, _look_.” Jisung points at Felix’s arms.

Felix looks down and gasps at the sight of his skin taking on a dimmer gold, while his freckles reappear and shine like stars from the night sky. He looks up at Jisung, his eyes wide, then realizes that Jisung is glowing too.

Could it be—?

“Jisung—” he starts to say.

Jisung doesn’t answer as he twists around to look over his own shoulder.

Felix’s stomach drops at that, knowing what will happen next. He can’t bear it.

“No!” He grabs Jisung and hugs him tightly. “No, Jisung, you can’t, you can’t—”

“It’s okay, Felix,” Jisung says.

“It’s not! You have to stop it! Break off the contract, right now! Say you don’t want to be my soulmate.”

“I can’t say that!”

“And I can’t watch you die!”

Jisung frowns at that, and Felix just shakes his head as he clutches him to his chest.

“You won’t survive,” he says. “Your wings will break through but they won’t work and you’ll die and I can’t go through that again. I can’t lose you to that too. Please, Jisungie.”

Jisung doesn’t say anything as he gently pries Felix’s arms off of him. He leans back so he can look into Felix’s wide, desperate eyes. He smiles, and his own eyes dance with golden light.

“It’ll be okay,” Jisung says. Then he cups both sides of Felix’s face and kisses him.

Felix lets out a small, pitiful cry but kisses Jisung back, knowing that this will be their last. He waits for Jisung to pull away, to cry out in pain, to grab at Felix and beg him to make it stop. He waits.

But it doesn’t come. Instead, Jisung continues to kiss him and kiss him, their hearts pounding perfectly together.

It’s Felix who pulls away, and he’s out of breath. He stares at Jisung, confused.

“How—”

Then he sees the giant, curving wings behind Jisung, and everything slams to a stop.

Jisung sees Felix’s expression and quickly looks over his shoulder. He laughs in surprise and joy when he sees the wings— _his_ wings. They’re full. And healthy. And glowing the same shade of gold as Felix’s. They’re actually identical to Felix’s in every single way, in a way that Felix only heard soulmates’ wings were.

“You’re my soulmate,” Felix whispers.

Jisung looks back at him, his face full of so much happiness and love that Felix can feel the warmth radiating from him.

“I’m your soulmate,” Jisung says, pressing his forehead against Felix’s. “And you’re mine.”

Felix starts crying again at that, at the way his heart aches in a new way. The old aches are still there, but for the first time in so long, they’re drowned out by the love he feels for Jisung. He hopes that with time and love they’ll be drowned out completely.

In his head, he hears Jisung say, _You’re mine. And I’m yours._

He’s someone’s soulmate. He _has_ a soulmate. He won’t be alone anymore. And neither will Jisung. Together, they’ll be safe and happy and _whole_.

“I love you,” he whispers to Jisung. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Jisung whispers back. “My soulmate.”

Felix kisses him then.

One day, they’ll travel to the angel realm together. But for now, they just hold each other and let their bond and their love grow stronger and stronger, until there is nothing that will break it.

They’re soulmates, now and forever and ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave some kudos if you enjoyed! :)


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